I was having lunch with my friend Cameron Williams the stock broker and we couldn’t decide on the wine; he wanted a white while I wanted a red. We thought we would compromise and ordered a bottle of rose’. Half way through the bottle Cameron put his glass down and declared we should have ordered the white or the red instead of pretending to enjoy this god awful rose’. Rose’ is a wine that doesn’t know what it is and it is ordered by people who can’t make up their minds and don’t know what they want.
I’m not sure why rose’ exists at all. On the occasion you really feel like a glass of rose’ – and I can’t imagine the circumstances you actually would – you can simply make a glass or two yourself. Give your glass of Pinot Gris a splash of Pinot Noir and Hey Presto – Rose.
No, you can’t tell the difference between a homemade rose and the store bought variety. Not after a few glasses at any rate.
I have this same issue with short sleeved shirts. A t-shirt knows what it is – simple and casual. A polo shirt knows what it wants to be – smart and casual. A long sleeved shirt is a real shirt and that is all. A short sleeved shirt – you know the type; a collar, buttons up the front, short sleeves – can’t decide to be a t-shirt or a real shirt. It ends up in nowhere land; too casual to wear to work (unless of course, you happen to be working in Brisbane in 1975) and too awkward to be relaxed. They look as though someone was trying to save money or couldn’t be arsed to finish the job properly.
Seriously, if you really want to a have short sleeved shirt, and there are plenty of occasions you might simply roll up the sleeves of a real shirt.
So, as we approach this summer I see the shops and department stores are full of short sleeved shirts desperately trying to convince us we specifically need a shirt with short sleeves rather than roll up the sleeves of the shirts we have all been wearing for the rest of the year. But this summer brings something even more annoying – short pants.
Up until this summer, shorts have been shorts – knee length or above and decidedly casual. Pants have been pants - always reaching your heels. Not anymore. This season sees pants only reaching to just below your shin, well above your ankle. If the length wasn’t awkward enough these new seasons short pants are made skin tight in a stretchy elastic material. I could barely believe my eyes but there they were in the shop windows.
I was out one afternoon with Annabelle the Designer and she dared me to try a pair on. They felt every bit as awkward as they looked. In fact, the pair I tried on gripped my nuts so tight it felt down right intrusive. I took them off and felt like reporting them to someone but I was too embarrassed. I couldn’t even look at them after that experience and had to turn away whenever I passed the shop window.
I tried to imagine where you would wear them to but gave up. But honestly, in the event that you actually wanted a pair of short pants surely, you could roll up the legs of a pair of real pants. This at least gives you the chance to look at yourself in the mirror and roll them down again.
There is little more annoying in this world than a man who can’t make a decision.
When buying clothes for her man, the sophisticated country girl ensures the shirts have long sleeves and the legs on his pants reach the floor so as not to make him look indecisive. If you’re single then watch out for the man who turns up on the first date in a short sleeved shirt; you might find it hard getting him to commit.
If however, he turns up on the first date dressed in a short sleeved shirt, short pants and orders a bottle of rose’ then you’re obviously living in Sydney and he’s bi-curious. You need to go west young woman. You need to get back over The Great Divide. Back to the sweeping landscapes. Back to the sunburst skies. Back to where the men are men, the shirts are shirts, the pants are pants and you won’t be putting up with any indecision.